11: You are my Sunshine

My 2020 story is more about losing our dearest Angel , the closest thing to what Mel and me got to having our very own daughter after having 2 sons.

Angel was a breeder discarded Labrador, who was rescued by CUPA  after getting abandoned in Bangalore and then finally finding a home with us and a place in our hearts. Losing our baby in 2020 was the most devastating thing that happened to us and it felt like our hearts were ripped apart after getting to spend just a precious few 5 years with her.

After celebrating Christmas & New Year in Goa we headed back with excitement, as the year 2020 was supposed to be a year of travel for Mel & me . Angel our 15 year Labrador and Max our 11 year old Golden Retriever were both not too pleased about the long drive and getting back home to Bangalore but had little choice in the matter. We got back to Bangalore and almost immediately started planning our travel holidays . Little did we know that the whole world was going to completely change and that the next few months would impact our lives forever . We cancelled our travel plans when we started hearing the news of how serious the virus was and our next approach was to plan for the worst and see how long this would last .  

What we didn’t realise was that our little princess Angel & the love of our life was already getting sicker by the day due to a  stomach tumor that would eventually become cancerous.  We nearly lost her one night in April when she had an emergency & we had to rush her to the vet hospital during night curfew . Thanks to the kindness of the Bangalore police that we were able to to pass through check posts to save her. It was also the start of our worst fears . Mel & me stared at something we were mentally preparing for some time as Angel got older with each passing year , but never completely understood how to do it till it slapped us hard in the face. Our worries almost immediately changed , from not only worrying about the virus infecting us , but also what would happen to both Angel & Max should we need to be quarantined . We went to hypermode in making sure that everything was safe for them & us. 

Every trip to the vet after that was a painful reminder of how little time we had with her. The frustration of not being able to do anything due to her old age was also getting to us. Each day was different for Angel and as the tumor started it grow, so did her pain which was very difficult to watch. I feared and prayed that I wouldn’t have to make a difficult call to put her down , as I knew I would never able to come with terms with that . After some time the medication wasn’t really helping her and in a few months she could no longer walk by herself and had to be carried like a baby. By June, Mel & me were taking turns at staying up nights to keep her comfortable . It was during  these days that whenever she was in pain , I would carry her and sing to her ” You are my Sunshine ” which I think she liked as it would calm her down a bit.

Our brave baby was a fighter and she fought the cancer till the very end . We lost her on 8th Aug , she had a massive heart attack and passed away by that noon . It was too sudden and shocking for us realising she wasn’t breathing anymore . I would have given anything to see her breath one last time , but it was too late my baby was gone forever . I cried like I’ve never done before, but I knew she was at peace at last and all her pain and suffering was over. We believe in her last moments before she went , our precious baby spoke to both Mel and me separately through her crying howls , as she said her final good byes.

All we have is now happy memories of her and while we all learn to heal , adapt and change over time , you sometimes still can’t help look back and wonder if you could have done anything differently or spent a few more precious moments with her. The 2 things , I regret till today is not being able to sing to her for one last time & the other is not being able to take her to the beach she loved in Goa for one last time before we returned back to Bangalore  

Angel was the purest form of unconditional love we had ever experienced . She was a beautiful princess , a woman in every way and had the magical essence of an Angel. We were only blessed to have her in our lives because she changed it for all of us forever.

Watch over us my precious Angel ..”please don’t take my sunshine away”

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