44: What’s holding you back ?- A story of self discovery

For almost 70 years of life, my personal narrative was solely structured around the role I played as a caretaker, daughter, wife, mum & grandmother, and although this brought me immense and irreplaceable joy, I often felt like I wasn’t exploring my full potential. It was only 5 years ago, after my husband died, that I picked up painting again and instantly fell in love. I finally felt like I had found myself in a way that I hadn’t been able to for soo long. This became my new story, one filled with hope that defies all constructs of age and circumstances. I use the artist name Gama because my grandchildren call me that, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Throughout this journey, it’s needless to say that I wouldn’t have been able to invest as much time and energy into my own personal growth without the immeasurable support of my family and close friends who were always there to remind me of their faith in me. Having those closest to me be my main source of inspiration and motivation was something I took great pride in until this pandemic struck and life as we knew it changed drastically. The fact that I live alone with no hope of seeing my family any time soon plagued me with fear of the unknown, which severely impacted my ability to find joy in the confines of my home that began to suffocate me. At my age, this situation has forced me to re-learn everything I thought true of life and examine exactly what it was that I truly needed to be happy in this “new normal”. 

It took me some time, but I soon learned to wake up every morning with the confidence that I would be able to find comfort in creating again. I began painting people and environments that exist outside of the confines of the four walls I sat myself in. In almost a year, I have been able to take myself to places all over the world through my paintings; women in Gujarat, the young monks of Nepal, the delicate cherry blossoms of Japan and even the cobblestone streets of Venice. However difficult it was, creating these alternate realities through my work allowed me to find a new sense of joy in my passion for painting. Not only can I say that I was able to find myself through my work, but this pandemic has made it so that my work has found and saved me from the monotony of everyday life; it has made me feel less alone.  

If you asked me a year ago what painting means to me, I would have probably shared with you a story of self-discovery, something that I could have for myself. But now it is so much more. Although I have never understood technology and social media, I have recently worked with my Grandaughter in Singapore to take my work to a new platform for all to enjoy. I’ve even started to sell my paintings through my Instagram @gama_lynn, which she manages for me, the profit of which I use to further my passion and even donate to local charities that probably need it more than I do in this trying time. Even from so far away, my family still remains my main source of strength. 

Making the decision to share my work took a great deal of courage, but if the pandemic has taught me anything its that life is too short to sit around and wonder how different things would be if we just chased what truly makes us happy, even if it’s taken my 75 short years to realise it !