84: The Warrior Within ME

I remember New Year’s Eve as if it was the day before. My dearest friends and I were having a blast watching the magical fireworks shoot up to the sky along the sprinkles of glorious fountains. Our hearts filled with joy and stomachs full of food; never did I know that there was a virus lurking in the shadows waiting to destroy the world!

My husband travelled to another country for work one day before the flights shut down! It would be seven long months before we could be together as a family again. During that time, we replayed the what ifs in our minds many times. What if the restrictions kept on extending? What if something happened to him, our children or me during this time?!

Before we knew it, the pandemic was here. None of us expected it. How could we? We’ve never been in one nor heard of one in recent times. Instead of visiting lush green resorts or having parties with my friends and family; now, with every step I took into my office, I shivered with fear, suspecting everything. I was terrified to step out of my house! All I saw was COVID…the news reporters screaming…live telecasts, and messages flooding…all on this deadly virus. I was scared for myself, my husband and the apples of my eye, my dear kids. Yet, we never thought that the world would shut down. But when it did, my husband was away in another country. Sure, it was temporary, but for me, that distance was enough to leave my world shattered. 

It was as if a pillar from my life had broken, causing a structural imbalance in my home. The dam in my soul broke, and a gush of emotions enveloped me, as I buried myself in a hole shrouded by a cape of fear. Months passed, and the virus enslaved us; restrictions kept on coming, keeping our family apart. My husband missed my birthday, our son’s, then our daughter’s. It was disheartening to see our kids cry on the one day that belonged to them. The immense sorrow took a toll on my inner warrior, leaving it wounded in the battle with these obstacles!

I started struggling to cope with work pressure, the kids’ never-ending requests and constantly sensing my husband’s loneliness. My children could feel my sadness, and this spread over our house. I knew I had to be there for our children, but it was all overwhelming. My son kept asking me to play games, go for walks, for he knew how I felt, but all I wanted to do was sit on my balcony, hoping for the restrictions to ease so I could see my husband and our family could be together again. Over the time, my inner warrior’s shield rusted, as it kneeled down in despair tired of fighting the negativity!

Then one day, while I was chatting with my mother, she said, “You are the pillar of the family … be positive.” That day something changed. I realized that perhaps I was looking at the world with the wrong frame. My husband is one pillar of the family, my children and I are the other pillars that hold it together. Yet, here I was, putting all the pressure on my husband and solely leaning on him for support. I realized I was not alone, and we are all there to support each other and hold the other up when one needs it. I decided to effect change. My inner warrior changed his tactics and with the support of her fellow soldiers, she rose to the occasion!

First, to overcome this distance, I started exploring online games to enjoy as a family. Every evening we started playing Hangman, Pictionary on zoom and online games like sequence and risk along with my husband. It’s surprising how we never knew these games existed online! It felt like we were together playing for real. Instead of boredom, our days began to fill with laughter and joy. My husband and kids enjoyed it, and though the sadness was still there, I allowed myself to be happy too.

Next, I took up a new hobby of baking and cooking, something I always wanted to try out! Not only did I learn a new skill, but it kept me distracted well. I spent my afternoons baking chocolate goodies. I remember how the flour would burst open on our faces! We baked scrumptious cupcakes, deserts and more. Every day, I tried a new dish or appetizer; our tummies were full, priceless smiles galore, loud burps everywhere and a long queue in the washroom next morning. However, with this newfound enthusiasm, our lives turned for the better!

Lastly, perspective! Often, the unprepared will happen, but the game is all about perspective. We can either keep crying or make the best out of the situation! It is all a mind game of our thoughts because almost everything in life is a double-edged sword…but it is up to us to convert our obstacles to opportunities and choose how we react to the situation. Initially, I thought about myself, I didn’t realize my husband, our children and everyone else felt the impact of the pandemic too. And I recognized that I have so much to be grateful for too! Now, my husband continues to travel for work, but I don’t worry. I know with my newfound perspective, each other’s support in our family and the calming courage of the warrior within me, we can hold up our fort during any occasion!

Co-written with Vedanth Aggarwal, 13, Dubai, UAE, under the StoryBuddy program.