69: Nursing through a pandemic.

I’m Prema, and I turn 50 this year. I have been a nurse for more than half my life now. I now work in the ICU ward in Muscat, Oman.

As a medical professional, 2020 has been a challenging year for us. I’ve seen desperation and death up close my entire career, yet nothing could prepare me for what I’ve witnessed this past year.

Deaths have increased 5-fold, minimum. Usually, based on the patient’s conditions, a medical professional can roughly estimate the situation’s criticality. But with Covid-19, it’s completely unpredictable. Young people with no symptoms get worse overnight and lose their lives in a matter of hours. On the other hand, we often see patients who have the best medical treatment they can get still gasp and struggle to breathe. It’s harrowing for us to stand and helplessly watch them in their last moments. The least we can do is show their families, their loved ones over a video call for just a couple of minutes. Our hearts are filled with sorrow for the families of those admitted into Covid-care wards, especially if the family is far away, which is mostly the case for expatriates in the Gulf. They cannot be with their loved ones in their last moments and, even after death, cannot take the bodies back to their home country. The families of the expats who expire due to covid-related causes often request for a covid-test even post-death in the hopes of taking their loved ones back for burial procedures in their home countries.

Initially, it was pretty hard for us to adapt to the pandemic in terms of wearing the PPE kit and having separate Covid-Care wards for those affected, especially women staff. We cannot change out of the PPE kits for long hours, and it takes a toll, especially for menstruating women, women in their menopause or breastfeeding mothers who are nurses. In addition, the fatigue at the end of a shift hits hard, and we must then attend to our families and personal lives.

It’s exhausting to show up every day and see people lose their life to a virus. The uncertainty with COVID means we’re always working with the underlying stress of what may come. But, I brush that aside and focus on what I need to do. Motivation is hard to come by these days because, every day, it’s a battle between life and death. Yet, our discomfort is nothing compared to watching someone struggle to breathe, even with the best medical care. However exhausted I am, I’m still alive and healthy at the end of a tiring shift while my patients may not be so lucky. So, when duty calls, I and all of us in the medical field show up without any hesitations. And well, keeping the right frame of mind comes with experience. If you’re struggling with it as a young professional in the medical field, know that whatever you are going through today will end, and until then, we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others.

Unfortunately, Covid has hit the world unequally, with the less privileged hit harder. Often, they are the ones who cannot afford medical treatment and want to discharge the patient even though they are critical. Moreover, many daily wage workers don’t want to get admitted because of the financial burden that their families may have to take up. I’ve come to realize that for most, healthcare is a privilege.

With all the anxiety and the bleak future staring ahead, there is hope to those who wish to see it. With the arrival of the vaccine, people will suffer less severe symptoms and will recover faster. However, I would urge people to wear a mask, practise regular handwashing and, if possible, stay at home. Covid-19 has forever changed the course of all our lives, but in the end, with the proper precautions and medical technology being at its best today, it will just be another pandemic that humankind beat through.

Prema D’souza – As told to Humans of 2020

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