65: I Miss Home.

For the past twenty years, I’ve lived in the Middle East. I currently work in Dubai as a nanny. I’m sixty years old, have never been married, and my whole family lives in India.

I never imagined I’d live to see a time like this. In 2020, when the talk about the virus began, I didn’t understand what it is. My friends and family sent many messages on WhatsApp, and I learnt from it that we have to be careful – wear our masks, wash our hands and maintain distance. I did all of it; in fact, I did not step out of the house for six months. Even when the government eased the restrictions, I was nervous about stepping out – so I stayed home. I was a bit worried about my health as I’m afraid of doctors, hospitals and needles, but I felt safe at home. My family in India, including my elderly parents, were well too. They live in Badagalonda, a remote village in central India. Even during the lockdown, apart from transportation to the main city, life was normal.

In December 2020, I travelled to Goa, India, with the family that employs me. We were careful, didn’t go out much, but I tested positive with COVID just before we could fly back to Dubai. I was nervous when I got my result, but few others in my house were positive too, and that gave me some confidence to know I did not have to face it alone. I was admitted to the hospital because of my age and a pneumonia patch in my lung. Looking back, I realize how fortunate I was. I had a mild strain; the hospitals weren’t overwhelmed with cases at the time, and the doctors and nurses took fantastic care of me. I recovered completely. My younger sister was not so lucky. In April 2021, my sister tested positive, she had no underlying conditions with mild symptoms, but then everything escalated quickly. She passed away within a couple of days of being admitted to the hospital. My whole family is in shock. I cannot believe that she’s gone. I worry about the impact of this on my elderly parents, how her husband and child will manage, that I’m not around to support my family during this trying time. I don’t worry about myself, but I miss being with my family during this time.

I had planned to visit my family over the summer this year; last year, it was impossible to see them. However, it seems even less likely that I will see them this year. It may be three years before I get to meet them. In February this year, my mum was critically unwell, and I wanted to go to India to be by her side, but I could not take the route I usually take because of the travel restrictions. I’m familiar with Mumbai and know how to get to my village from here, but my only option was to travel from Delhi (I’ve never been to Delhi). I couldn’t muster the courage to go via a different route. I wonder where my courage has gone? I was only 19 years old when I took the train and came to Mumbai alone. It was my first time in the city, and all I had was an address, but I was confident that I would find my way. Yet, here I am today, lacking the courage to find my way home.

I am grateful for all I have and thank God every day for all the blessings. I hope the pandemic ends soon, people have their health, and life goes back to normal because I want everyone to be happy, and I can go home.

Pushpa Kumari Lakra – As told to Humans of 2020

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