26: Faith

I read a quote by Joyce Meyer “When fear knocks on the door send faith to answer”.  Now faith as a word is so burdened with expectations that it’s easier to lose faith than have it. We are often taught to place our faith more externally and not within.

I often feel that it’s not our experiences but rather the expectation of how our reaction needs to be that shapes us. We unknowingly conform to what we know or are familiar with. Humans need to be able to explain things to be comfortable with an idea and there is comfort in numbers. Placing faith in the collective to be able to make sense of things is what most have grown up with.

A couple of years ago when I turned 40, I started reflecting on what do the past 40 years really mean. I lead a good life by most standards so honestly, there are no complaints. I have a loving family, a fulfilling career, friends and much more. My external cues indicate I am popular but deep within I felt something amiss. I kept wondering why is it that I continue to feel less than. I decided to document my experiences and the one thing that stood out the most was that the dissonance was strongest when my response or reaction to an experience/situation was more a collective than what I really felt. I realized that the more basic the situation the stronger the need to conform. It’s then that I started working inwards and realized that I don’t give myself enough attention in terms of thought or actions because the faith that I have outside is far more than what I have in me. It’s actually significantly lesser than what most people have in me. It was at that point I decided to work on fixing that. I decided to tell myself every day that I believe in myself.

Now change is never easy and usually we fear the repercussions of our actions. So when fear came knocking I answered it with faith but this time in myself. This meant that if my opinion was different, I was ok sharing it. No expectation to change a point of view, it only meant that there was more room for clarity. It meant not letting one bad experience ruin an otherwise great relationship. It meant being comfortable in my skin. It meant saying that I need to do this for myself because I like it. It also meant being open to others exhibiting faith in themselves and expecting similar understanding. My life is richer in experiences today than what it has been. The best example of this is when I went touring for a gym in Singapore. The sales person asked me what was my goal? To which I answered that I had no goal. She then added how everyone has a goal, to lose weight, to become healthier, to be fitter and I probably did not know mine yet. I agreed that she could be right but for now I am ok with not having a goal and I am just here to see the facility.

By learning to believe in myself more, I have truly seen the benefit of ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. (Mathew 7:7)   

Picture Courtesy: Shruti Puranik Taimni on a fantastic night out at the lovely Iron Fairies in Hong Kong. Experiences! 

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