19: 2020 The Impactful year!!

For me it started with the most long-awaited celebration  in my family back home in India(Delhi). Hence, a lot of happiness and love was surrounding me. I travelled  to Delhi to be a part, this  was the 1st family wedding from my side that i attended without any hiccup or sneeze absolutely free from all responsibilities.I was happy and was lookin forward to with my eyes smilin’.

Soon after, The pandemic hit the world with a lockdown the whole world came to a standstill ..  And also my dad’s health slowly started giving up, he started with his dialysis … I remember the helplessness I had for not being able to be around him and my mom at that time … where i used to fly to him even for his check-ups ….

1st Aug2020′ I was missing my dad a lot with a particular song playin in my head since i woke up that day… And in the evening my mom sent me his picture sayin ‘SINCE MORNING PAPA DINT WAKE UP’

My whole world fell apart .. I couldn’t sit couldn’t stand just wanted to fly to Delhi that very moment but because of covid-19 pandemic it wasn’t that easy we had to apply and there were not many flights taking off… papa was in a coma he had a brain stroke ..

I reached Delhi on the 6th at 7am … 8am we were asked to sign the consent for papa to be shifted on ventilator … i felt lost alone broken helpless powerless it was very difficult to let him go.. But even more difficult to see him that way with tubes and pipes everywhere in the ICU and then 9th August 2020′  his pain ended and my heart broke Completely, he left me …. my whole world flipped …at this moment the only person I needed the by side my the most -my husband, cornered himself …and so did his family… but i had to manage a lot of things for my mom as now she was all alone … i handled each and everything from rituals prep to the obituary in the newspaper to answering all the condolence messages and  calls for my mom, to the planning of how his business will be handled… I had become a  machine but felt very strong for the 1st time I felt what it is to live for someone else with every breath I just wanted my mom to be okay, I am all that she has now. Only when i got back to Dubai with my mom it Hit me that i dont have a sky anymore and the one i could see would not necessarily be in my favour always I was actually on my own mentally… I was shivering of fear Inside on the outside I was a rock because my mom was watching me,really this year taught me  how to be sane with a weeping  soul & a broken heart, Also it gave me a a lot courage and strength to walk away from people and situations that are not  Good for me … I became my own hero psychologically as now i didn’t have anythin to lose,  i felt that. If I could breathe without my dad i could survive anything that comes my way … life gives us many reasons and excuses but such trying n soul-shaking times gives us the courage to execute our plans for our growth. 2020 for me would always be the most unforgettable year as it took away my most cherished person … but it definitely got me in sync with my own self.

So I will not lose the opportunity to mention here that Your Life is very precious for yoursef and for the ones you love, so never ever give up and have the strength to leave from somwhere u feel u dont belong anymore.

I am grateful for this new me who isnt scared of what tomw has in store because i live each moment exactly the way i want to now.

I can never get back what this year has taken away from me but I could have never been what I am now if it was any different. God has his own way of turning our lives in a way that’s best for us.

Always believe you are special and so is your life.

Rashi

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