Before the Pandemic, I was an optimistic person and now I’m a realistic person. A lot has happened in the span of the last two years, both good and bad that has changed me at an emotional level. I have always considered myself ” strong & tough ” and not the most sensitive person, but the Pandemic has brought in a change that has made me to stop expecting, stop hoping but instead only believe what is right in front of me. It is slightly embarrassing that I believed that crying was a sign of weakness but the Pandemic for me included lots of breakdowns, anxiety sessions and crying in the washrooms only because the present wasn’t what I hoped.
I am fortunate to be going to the university I want, to have parents that shower me with not only their love but also the materialistic things I desire, to be safe-healthy-happy, however as human nature is I felt a part of me degrading. Call it growing up or adulting, I woke up everyday with less optimism than yesterday because I started doubting everything whether my loved ones actually love me as much as I love them, whether I’m on the right career path, whether I’ll be able to survive in the not-so-ideal world and wake up the next day with enough determination like my 10 year old self.
A part of these feelings was because of school, specially the peer competition that had started as the deciding phase of our college began. Eveyrone wanted an internship, everyone suddenly wanted to volunteer, everyone was learning new skills and talents to put on their resume. It felt fake at a point but I too did the same and realized it wasn’t because shadowing a doctor, tutoring young kids was actually fun, didn’t matter whether it would make it to my college application or not.
Made some new friends in the Pandemic and realized that I shouldn’t bother about those who don’t care about me. The virus came as a disguise for me to rejenvuate myself, mature and grow into an adult that I hope to remain. Today I’m realistic and I’m proud of it because I don’t expect nor hope but instead dream and aspire to achieve that dream.
A lot of times we are confused because of people achieving around us or we tend to get egoistic because of people not achieving around us, whatever is the case there’s only one thing that I learnt. Be true to yourself and don’t bother what others do because it is not your life, as long as they don’t approach you keep those opinions to yourself but always extend a helping hand and never hesitate.
I have grown and I know that because today I still cry when I want to let those negative thoughts out but that doesn’t make me any less strong willed than I was.
Took me sometime to understand such small truths of the universe but I did get here and I hope you all do as well, one day at a time!
Regarding the picture I posted : Some may call it “cringe” while some may call it “weird” but I really can’t be bothered because it was a wholesome and true happy moment for me which I will forever reminisce❤️
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