126: The day my brain finally broke

Exam season is the time that brings people closer together due to sheer fear of failing. Some people enjoy exams and those people are aliens. I’m classified under the large umbrella of people who hate exams. They bring unnecessary stress to an already stressed individual. I’m not the kind of person who cries or had mental breakdowns or anxiety attacks normally. I keep it all under wraps 98% of the time. I have only ever had one mental breakdown, but it was severe. Years of pent-up emotions, stress, anxiety and depression just came out all at once.

It was the night before my physics exam. I had been doing very poorly in physics that year. I barely had a clue what was going on. I tried classes with a tutor and that didn’t help much. I just couldn’t grasp any of the concepts. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm time was running away from me. As I looked at the time, I began to hyperventilate, my pulse quickened, my head felt heavy, and it felt like my body was shutting down. I tried to ignore it and get on with my work, but I could tell that wasn’t going to happen.

I looked back at the exam questions at that moment my mom walked into my room. I took one look at her and tears filled my eyes. I started crying and ran to my mom. I broke down for the first time ever. I could only string two thoughts together and they were “I’m scared” and “I’m sorry”. My mom knows I’m not the emotional type so she knew something was up. That’s the last thing I remember from that night. I usually try to purge these types of things from my memory so that they won’t come back to haunt me, but I can only purge so much.

Anonymous – Reposted from youthof2020stories on Instagram, a humansof2020 initiative

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