Two years ago, I had registered for an elocution competition. Now, this wasn’t the first time I was doing this, I’d been taking part in the same competition for many years. I’d stood at that same place, given my speech to the judges, the parents, the teachers, my batchmates, at least ten times. But this time felt different. I knew I’d manage. I did write my speech after all, so how hard could it be? I walked up to the stage, confident. I looked at the judges, the teachers, and other kids of my age who were there for the competition. Yes, I was a little tensed but hey, that’s normal. I started my speech and it went well for the first 40 seconds before I completely blanked out. I knew what to say next, I had it ready in my head, but the words just wouldn’t come out. I skipped my second paragraph, started the third when it happened again. I looked at the faces of the judges and the other kids sitting in front of me. I didn’t know if they were empathizing with me, or if they just felt bad. Anyways I didn’t have time to figure out what they were thinking. The clock was ticking, I had a minute and a half left. I was still blank, I couldn’t get myself to talk. I just wanted to say something and get off the stage but my brain decided not to cooperate. I said thank you and left.
I couldn’t bear to look at anyone. I knew my mom was there, listening to me at the back of the room. My best friend had her speech before mine so I knew she heard it too. I couldn’t stop thinking of the other kids inside. How could I ever look at them after I just embarrassed myself like that? I get out. My mom, my best friend, and her mom all come towards me. See, I wasn’t going to cry, but the second my mom asked me what happened, I had a breakdown in front of everyone. Seriously, only I could manage to have two embarrassing moments in a row.
This incident took a huge hit on my confidence. I couldn’t get myself to talk or express myself confidently. I had to participate in a lot of assemblies in the following months, and I was so stressed before every one of them. I couldn’t relax even after I was done, I’d be tensed even then. This incident isn’t something that happened in 2020 but 2020 was what helped me get over this. Or is helping me get over it.
2020 was the year I became the vice-captain of my house at school. Now, I had to participate in events, talk to new groups of people daily, conduct programs, and even host a few. I couldn’t shy away from things anymore. Thankfully, everything was online so I can say that it did make things easier. I didn’t have to be physically present in a room of 100 students to host an event.
Last year, for me, certainly did open the door to lots of new things, and I had to make sure I didn’t lose those opportunities because of my social anxiety. While it is getting easier to talk and express myself now, sometimes I still get anxious before an event and I have to remind myself to breathe. My parents’ constantly encouraging me and my friends always supporting me in the things I do, I know I’ll get over it with time. It’s a slow process but I’m willing to wait.
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